10篇英语滑稽小故事(带翻译)如下: Midway Tactics Three competing store owners rented adjoining shops in a mall. Observers waited for mayhem to ensue. The retailer on the right put up huge signs saying, "Gigantic Sale!" and "Super Bargains!" The store on the left raised bigger signs proclaiming, "Prices Slashed!" and "Fantastic Discounts!" The owner in the middle then prepared a large sign that simply stated, "ENTRANCE". 中央兵法 三个彼此争生意的市廛老板在一条贸易街上租用了相连的商店。观望者等着瞧好戏。 右边的零售商挂起了广大的招牌,上书:“大减价!”“特低廉!” 左边的市廛挂出了更大的招牌,声称:“大砍价!”“大扣头!” 中央的市井随后计划了一个大招牌,上面只粗略地写着:“入口处”。 Very Pleased to Meet You During World War II, a lot of young women in Britain were in the army. Joan Phillips was one of them. She worked in a big camp, and of course met a lot of men, officers and soldiers. One evening she met Captain Humphreys at a dance. He said to her, "I‘m going abroad tomorrow, but I‘d be very happy if we could write to each other." Joan agreed, and they wrote for several months. Then his letters stopped, but she received one from another officer, telling her that he had been wounded and was in a certain army hospital in England. Joan went there and said to the matron, "I‘ve come to visit Captain Humphreys." "Only relatives are allowed to visit patients here," the matron said. "Oh, that‘s all right," answered Joan. "I‘m his sister." "I‘m very pleased to meet you," the matron said, "I‘m his mother!" 在第二次寰宇大战中,有很多年青的妇女在兵营中服役。琼.飞利浦斯是此中之一。她在一个大兵营中职责,当然遭遇了很多男士,囊括军官和士兵。 一天夜晚她在舞会上遭遇了军官汉弗雷斯。他对她说,“我来日就要出国,但即使咱们可能彼此写信,我会很欢欣。”琼赞助了,于是他们几个月里继续通着信。 厥后,他再没有来信。她收到了另一个军官的信,告诉她,他受伤了,住在英格兰的某个部队病院里。 琼到了病院,她对护士长说,“我来探访军官汉弗雷斯。” “这里只要支属可能探问病人。”护士长说。 “噢,是的,”琼说,“我是他的妹妹。” “很欢欣明白你,”护士长说,“我是他的母亲。” Two Soldiers Two soldiers were in camp. The first one‘s name was George, and the second one‘s name was Bill. George said, "have you got a piece of paper and an envelope, Bill?" Bill said, "Yes, I have," and he gave them to him. Then George said, "Now I haven‘t got a pen." Bill gave him his, and George wrote his letter. Then he put it in the envelope and said, "have you got a stamp, Bill?" Bill gave him one. Then Bill got up and went to the door, so George said to him, "Are you going out?" Bill Said, "Yes, I am," and he opened the door. George said, "Please put my letter in the box in the office, and..." He stopped. "What do you want now?" Bill said to him. George looked at the envelope of his letter and answered, "What‘s your girl-friend‘s address?" 兵营里有二闻人兵,一个叫乔治,一个叫比尔。乔治问:“比尔,你有信纸、信封吗?” 比尔说:“有。”然后把信纸和信封给了乔治。 乔治又说:“我还没有笔呢。”比尔又把我方的笔给了他。乔治动手写信。写完后把信放进信封里,又问:“比尔,你有邮票吗?”比尔给了他一张。 这时比尔站起来,向门口走去。乔治问:“你要出去吗?” 比尔说:“是的。”立即翻开了门。 乔治说:“请帮我把这封信投进办公室的信箱里,尚有...”他停住了。 “你还要什么?”比尔问。 乔治看着信封说:“你女挚友的地方是-?” Five Months Older The Second World War had begun, and John wanted to join the army, but he was only 16 years old, and boys were allowed to join only if they were over 18. So when the army doctor examined him, he said that he was 18. But John‘s brother had joined the army a few days before, and the same doctor had examined him too. This doctor remembered the older boy‘s family name, so when he saw John‘s papers, he was surprised. "How old are you?" he said. "Eighteen, sir," said John. "But your brother was eighteen, too," said the doctor. "Are you twins?" "Oh, no, sir," said John, and his face went red. "My brother is five months older than I am." 大五个月 第二次寰宇大战动手了,约翰想参军,可他只要十六岁,当时原则男孩到十八岁才具入伍。以是军医给他实行体检时,他说他仍旧十八岁了。 可约翰的哥哥刚入伍没几天,并且也是这个军医给他做的检讨。这位大夫还记得他哥哥的姓。以是当他看到约翰的表格时,感触绝顶惊讶。 “你多大了?”军医问。 “十八,主座。”约翰说。 “可你的哥哥也是十八岁,你们是双胞胎吗?” 约翰酡颜了,说:“哦,不是,主座,我哥哥比我大五个月。” West Point My father, brother and I visited West Point to see a football game between Army and Boston College. Taking a stroll before kickoff, we met many cadets in neatly pressed uniforms. Several visting fans asked the recruits if they would pose for photographs, "to show our son what to expect if he should attend West Point." One middle-aged couple approached a very attractive female cadet and asked her to pose for a picture. They explained, "We want to show our son what he missed by not coming to West Point." 父亲、哥哥和我到西点军校去旁观一场陆军与波士顿大学之间的橄榄球赛。动手之前,咱们各处转了转,遭受很多衣着齐截克服的学员。几名乘客问新兵是否允许摆出军姿来让他们摄。“好让咱们的儿子明白,即使他到西点军校来进修会获得什么。” 一对中年佳偶走近一名绝顶美丽的女学员,问她是否允许摆个样子影相。他们说明说:“咱们想让儿子明白他没来西点军校错过了什么。” (6)Present for Girlfriend At a jewelry store, a young man bought an expensive locket as a present for his girlfriend. "Shall I engrave her name on it?" the jeweler asked. The customer thought for a moment, and then said, "No-engrave it ‘To my one and only love‘. That way, if we ever break up, I can use it again." 送给女友的礼品 在一家珠宝店里,一位年青人买了一个珍贵的小金盒动作送给女友的礼品。“要我把她的名字刻在上面吗?”珠宝商问道。 那名顾客想了瞬息,然后说道:“不--在上面刻‘给我独一的爱’。如此,即使咱们闹崩了,我还可能再用到它。” Be Careful What You Wish For A couple had been married for 25 years and were celebrating their 60th birthdays, which fell on the same day. During the celebration a fairy appeared and said that because they had been such a loving couple for all 25 years, she would give them one wish each. The wife wanted to travel around the world. The fairy waved her hand, and Boom! She had the tickets in her hand. Next, it was the huand‘s turn. He paused for a moment, then said shyly, "Well, I‘d like to have a woman 30 years younger than me." The fairy picked up her wand, and Boom! He was ninety. 留心许愿 一对成婚25周年的配偶在致贺他们六十岁的寿辰。他们恰恰在统一天出生。 致贺行为中,一位仙女呈现了。她说,因为他们是仍旧成婚25年的恩爱配偶,因而她给许给这对配偶每小我一个抱负。 妻子想漫游寰宇。仙女招了招手。“呯!”的一声,她的手中呈现了一张票。 接下来该丈夫许愿了。他迟疑移时,含羞地说,“那我想要一位比我年青30岁的女人。” 仙女拾起了魔术棒。“呯!”,他造成了90岁。 Wood Fire One woman lectured her best friend on the nature of the male animal. "Huands are like wood fires; they go out if left unattened." "Does that mean," asked the other, "that they make ashes of themselves?" 丛林之火 一名妇女向她最好的挚友大谈雄性动物的性格:“丈夫们就像是丛林里的火,一不留神,他们就会燃烧起来。” “那是不是意味着,”另一个问道,“他们将我方烧成灰烬?” Best Reward A naval officer fell overboard. He was rescued by a deck hand. The officer asked how he could reward him. "The best way, sir," said the deck hand, "is to say nothing about it. If the other fellows knew I‘d pulled you out, they‘d chuck me in." 最好的奖赏 一名舟师军官从船面上掉入海中。他被一名船面船夫救起。这位军官问奈何才具酬报他。 “最好的要领,主座,”这名船夫说,“是别声张这事。即使其他人明白我救了您,他们会把我扔下去的。” Napoleon Was Ill Jack had gone to the university to study history, but at the end of his first year, his history professor failed him in his examinations, and he was told that he would have to leave the university. However, his father decided that he would go to see the professor to urge him to let Jack continue his studies the following year. "He‘s a good boy," said Jack‘s father, "and if you let him pass this time, I‘m sure he‘ll improve a lot next year and pass the examinations at the end of it really well." "No, no, that‘s quite impossible," replied the professor immediately. "Do you know, last month I asked him when Napoleon had died, he didn‘t know!" "Please, sir, give him another chance," said Jack‘s father. "You see, I‘m afraid we don‘t take any newspaper in our house, so none of us even know that Napoleon was ill." 拿破仑病了 杰克到一所大学去学史册。第一学期闭幕时,史册课教员没让他合格。学校让他退学。然而,杰克的父亲决心去见示员,激烈央浼让杰克一连来年的学业。 “他是个好孩子,”杰克的父亲说:“您若是让他此次合格,我笃信他来岁会有很大发展,学期闭幕时,他必然会考好的。” “不,不,那不大概,”教员急忙解答。“你明白吗?上个月我问他拿破仑什么时分死的,他都不明白。” “先生,请再给他一次机缘吧。”杰克的父亲说:“你不明白,恐惧是由于咱们家没有订报纸。咱们家的人连拿破仑病了都不明白。” He Was Only Wrong by Two Jack Hawkins was the football coach at an Amercian college, and he was always trying to find good players, but they weren‘t always art enought to be accepted by the college. One day the coach brought an excellent young player to the dean of the college and asked that the student be allowed to enter without an examination. "Well," the dean said after some persuasion, "I‘d better ask him a few questions first." Then he turned to the student and asked him some very easy questions, but the student didn‘t know any of the answers. At last the dean said, "Well, what‘s five times seven?" The student thought for a long time and then answered, "Thirty-six." The dean threw up his hands and looked at the coach in despair, but the coach said earnestly, "Oh, please let him in, sir! He was only wrong by two." 他的得数只比无误谜底多二 杰克霍金斯是美国一所学院的橄榄球队老师,他死力想物色好球员。然而好球员学业不可,院方不肯及第。 有一天,老师带着一位良好的年青球员去见院长,祈望院方赞助他免试入学。历程一番挽劝后院长说:“那我最好先问问他几个题目。” 然后他转向学生,问了几个绝顶粗略的题目。但是阿谁学生一个也答不上来。 结果院长说:“那么,五乘七得多少?” 学生想了悠久,然后解答说:“三十六。” 院长摊开双手颓废地看了看老师。但是老师有劲地说,“噢,及第他吧,先生。他的谜底只比无误谜底多二。” Real Play When I taught the introduction-to-theater course at North Dakota State University, I required my students to attend the university theater‘s current production and write a critique. After viewing a particularly fine performance, one student wrote: "The play was so real, I thought I was actually sitting on my couch at home, watching it on television." 传神的戏剧 我在北达科他州立大学教戏剧初学课时,央浼学生们去看学校剧团当时的表演,并写一篇评论。看了一场极为英华的表演后,一名学生写道:“这部戏剧是云云传神,致使于我以为我我方是坐在家里的沙发上,从电视上看到的。” A Fine Match One day a lady saw a mouse running across her kitchen floor. She was very afraid of mouse, so she ran out of the house, got into a bus and went to the shops. There she bought a mousetrap. The shopkeeper said to her, "Put some cheese in it and you will soon catch that mouse." The lady went home with her mousetrap, but when she looked in her cupboard, she could not find any cheese in it. She did not want to go back to the shop, because it was very late, so she cut a picture of some cheese out of a magazine and put that in the trap. Surprisingly, the picture of the cheese was quite successful! When the lady came down to the kitchen the next morning she found a picture of a mouse in the trap beside the picture of the cheese! 势均力敌 有一天某位密斯看到一只老鼠在自家的厨房地板上窜过。她很忌惮老鼠,以是她冲出房子,搭上了群众汽车直奔市廛。在那儿,她买了一只老鼠夹。店东告诉她:“放点奶酪在内部,很快你就会逮住那只老鼠的。” 这位密斯带着鼠夹回抵家里,但她没有在碗橱里找到奶酪。她不想再回到市廛里去,由于仍旧很晚了。于是,她就从一份杂志中剪下一幅奶酪的图片放进了夹子。 令人称奇的是,这画有奶酪的图片公然成效了!第二天早上,这位密斯下楼到厨房时,出现鼠夹里奶酪图片旁有一张画有老鼠的图片! Gardening Gloves For months I hinted that I needed a new wedding ring, since I had developed an allergy to gold. On my birthday, while I was gardening, my huand asked me for gift suggestions. I held my hands up and said, "Well, you‘ll notice that my hands are bare." Later that evening I opened my present with enthusia. "Happy birthday," he said, as I unwrapped a new pair of gardening gloves. 园艺手套 几个月从此,我继续在向丈夫暗指我须要一枚新的成婚戒指,由于我对黄金有点过敏。寿辰那天,我正在干园艺活时,丈夫问我想要什么礼品。我举起双手说:“嗯,你必然看到了,我的两手都是光光的。” 那天夜晚,我满怀热心地拆开了丈夫送的礼品。“寿辰欢喜!”他说。我翻开一看:内部包着一双园艺手套。 Warning Several weeks after our son began his freshman year at Alma College in Michigan, my huand and I decided to visit him. I was careful to call him a few days in advance to "warn" him that we would be coming. When we arrived at the dorm, however, I was taken aback by the disarray of his room. "Forgot we were coming, didn‘t you?" I teased. "Are you kidding?" he replied, "Why else would I have bothered to clean?" 指点 咱们的儿子是密歇根州阿尔马大学的更生,开学几个礼拜之后,我和丈夫决心去看看他。我特地提前给他打电话,“指点”他咱们将驾临。然而当咱们来到宿舍时,他的房间凌乱不胜,我绝顶惊讶。“忘了咱们要来,是吧?”我取笑他。 “开什么打趣?“,他解答说,“要不我凭什么操心清扫?” Ground Rules One of my favorite teachers at Southeast Missouri State University in Cape Girardeau was known of his droll sense of humor. Explaining his ground rules to one freshman class, he said, "Now I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don‘t mind if you look at your watches during class. I do, however, object to your pounding them on the desk to make sure they‘re still running." 根本法则 位于吉拉多天涯的密苏里东南州立大学有一位我绝顶喜好的教授,他诡秘的滑稽感很是驰名。在对一个更生班级讲授他的根本法则时,他说:“我明白我的授课大概往往会呆板蹩脚,了无生趣,以是即使你们在上课时看表我并不介意。不外我坚强阻碍你们将表在课桌上猛敲看它们是不是还在走。”

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